BS in the Wheatfields?

In his blog entry today Paul Samyn expresses his dismay that the Tories “leaked” their plans for the Canadian Wheat Board to those ugly Americans. Oddly enough, Mr. Samyn’s post on October 12, 2006 analyzes the Quebec ramifications of Harper’s plans to overhaul the CWB. So we knew for quite some time changes are coming. And what are these dastardly and decidedly diabolical leaks?

Midgie indicated the task force will make recommendations on the length of a transition period after which the CWB would fully lose its monopoly powers.

The task force report is also expected to offer recommendations on how the
CWB could acquire capital to make up for capital it expects to lose when
all wheat, barley and durum growers in western Canadian provinces do not
have to sell their grain through the CWB.

How deliciously evil. In other news, I am leaking info on the new Nine Inch Nails album. Prior to reading on, remember that you read it here first:

1) The album will have the words Nine, Inch and Nails somewhere on it.

2) There will be songs on the album.

3) Videos should also be forthcoming, probably based on a few of the album’s stronger songs.

4) Expect Trent Reznor to sing on it and play a few instruments as well.

I am now bracing myself for the inevitable lawsuit from the defunct Nothing Records as well as Samyn’s fury for my scoop. Paul – I could understand your indignation if the ACTUAL RECOMMENDATIONS THEMSELVES were leaked.

It looks like Harper isn’t as cozy with Bush as some would have us believe. All our largest trading partner gets as a preamble to an issue dramatically affecting US/Canada trade are some pithy hints that recommendations are coming. I wonder if all of Reg Alcock’s leaks to Paul Samyn were this innocuous or predictable.

It is interesting to note that one of the contentions of the U.S. as posted by Mr. Samyn himself is:

The U.S. government for years through the WTO has tried to eliminate the monopoly powers of the CWB, which it argues gives Canadian wheat growers the ability to underprice U.S. growers.

From the CWB Web site:

CWB is able to provide marketing clout As the sole marketer of the high quality wheat and barley grown in western Canada, the to individual farmers who benefit from higher returns. By selling together, western Canadian farmers are able to exert more power in the marketplace than they could if they were competing against each other.

So as champion of the farmers, the cartel known as the CWB uses a monopoly position for dumping? Either the US government or the CWB is making a flat-out erroneous claim. I hope that farmers get to the bottom of this to ensure that their needs are truly being addressed. Judging by all of the silly rhetoric, aided and abetted by the MSM, perhaps 54% of farmers are right to question who is looking out for their best interests.

Oh Those Cheeky BBA Monkeys, Part 4

The Blackberry Addicts’ latest post is rife with commentary on yesterday’s election results. Judging by the tone of the article, it is safe to assume that Today’s NDP are more than a little sore that their slate of candidates didn’t fare better. The BBA folks are so stricken, they went so far as to bemoan the loss of the ever-sensationalistic Benham. Apparently, it is difficult in times of great sorrow to see the subtle nuance between opportunism and opposition. This is understandable since both words start with the same first three letters.

While the BBA weave their frightful tales of right-leaning yes-men & women just in time for Halloween, they neglected to mention the NDP’s own rabid involvement in the civic electoral process. As I recall, the NDP was the only party that actually had THEIR NAME on the signs of civic candidates they were endorsing. Forgive me for not buying into their Orwellian (that one’s for you, H.O.G.) references to the “much moneyed Katz” or the “River Heights rubber stamp.” Do the BBA folks honestly expect us to believe that their own slate of candidates would not espouse the wisdom inherent in the Great Orange Way?

So without getting as abrasive as the militants in the orange fatigues (I can’t say I’m going to miss Benham as I don’t believe in acting as opposition solely for opportunity’s sake), let me say welcome back Sammy! I hope you and Dan Vandal play nice together. Dan will be a great addition to the fray provided that he doesn’t act solely as the NDP yes-man certain bloggers might expect him to be.

After all, the BBA’s cries of righteous indignation over right-wing gamesmanship ring a little hollow when they were engaged in the same antics at the other end of the political spectrum…

Gym-Boor-Ee

Big box stores apparently aren’t the only place where people abrogate social decorum. After meeting a fine (albeit profusely sweaty) fellow who fell in to category #1 of the following, I was compelled to make a list of the many personalities you will sometimes find at your local gym. Without further ado I present to you:

1) The Prince/Princess of Perspiration – This individual is above cleaning up gym equipment after they use it. There is usually a compelling statistical correlation between how much said person perspires and how unwilling they are to clean up after themselves. The POP thinks their liquid greatness should be bottled and sold at Dior counters around the world. The rest of us must hold back the urge to vomit when we have to use 2 or 3 towels and a gallon of disinfectant spray to wipe down after them.

2) The Shotputter – This person feels a manic urge to throw the equipment after every set. Instead of putting a dumbbell or barbell down in a careful and controlled manner, they cast it aside with enough force to damage both the equipment in question and the floor. Apparently, the only way to show the other gym members that you have worked out to exertion is by making a sonic boom. Thankfully the exercise bikes and elliptical trainers are heavy otherwise they too would likely be tossed around after this moron moved on to their cardio regimen.

3) The Monopolist – This person must do 30 sets without interruption. When you ask after the 14th set (and an hour of waiting) if you can “work in”, this person regards you with such disdain you immediately wonder if you accidentally asked The Monopolist if you could engage in physical discourse with his mother and a circus monkey. Apparently this gronk failed the sharing lessons in kindergarten but still managed to pass the trickiest and only year of his/her academic life.

4) The Gumby – This person exhibits dangerous form while lifting 20-50 pounds more than they should. The Gumby manages body twists that most people couldn’t achieve even when hit by a moving vehicle. You usually only see this member once because their next visit is usually to the hospital. As with #2 on our list, it is best to keep a safe distance away lest a stray weight come your way.

5) The Town Crier – This person can only heave their weights if they utter a bestial and guttural cry first. Everyone else stops their own respective exercises because they think The Town Crier has just seriously hurt him/herself. Anyone within a three mile radius of T.C. must go to an audiologist right after their workout.

6) The Playa – This man (I have yet to meet his female counterpart) is under the misguided impression that all of the females are there for his pleasure. I mean, why else would a female come to the gym in shorts or sweat pants? The Playa cruises the gym in his crushed velvet track suit chatting up and scaring away scores of female patrons.

If you are tired of the antics of some big box shoppers, maybe it's time to hit the gym…

A Short Term Solution for the Clean Air Act

One of the persistent criticisms of the new Clean Air Act is that there are no short term benefits. In the spirit of addressing this critique, I propose the following: a ban on mobile sign trucks.

As someone who has taken more than my fair share of marketing courses, I understand and appreciate the difficulties inherent in reaching consumers. Putting your message on a vehicle going into rush hour traffic that has no real productive use just doesn’t strike me as an intuitive way to do it. I would understand if the vehicle was also used to transport goods or people like a bus or delivery truck but taking up road space just to shill a company’s wares only serves to aggravate your potential consumers. Not to mention how bad running said truck is for the environment.

So to potential advertisers, be ye warned that I will NOT buy your product if I see it advertised on a mobile sign truck – it wastes energy and takes up extra space, especially during rush hour. To the companies that came up with this commercial brain-fart (I couldn’t resist a cheeky noxious odour reference) - how’s about moving some people or goods at the same time? Otherwise, get off of the road!



Motivational Tunes:
Steve Winwood – Night Train
Emma Bunton – Maybe
Ratt – I Want a Woman
Racer X – Detroit Rock City

Northbound Betty Suarez

I have a confession to make – I am a big fan of the new show Ugly Betty. I am not a Prada junkie nor a Hugo Boss-man – my interest in the show lies in the fact that it depicts a subsection of the business and political types that one must interact with on a daily basis.

While most people (95-99% thankfully) I have the pleasure of dealing with over the course of my day are nose to the grindstone salt of the earth types, there are also the Mode Magazine types. These people go through life with the honest belief that the rest of the world is there to serve their every whim and fancy.

If they are a business person, they treat employees as chattel. Bank loans and their own businesses are a slush fund to finance their lifestyle of luxury cars, clothes, vacations and fine dining. When it comes time to pay their suppliers, they plead poverty while wearing a watch worth more than most people’s first home down payment. Front line employees are treated with a level of contempt usually reserved for serial murderers or rapists. While these people have a sociopathic disregard for charities and the people/creatures said charities are supposed to help, they are all too quick to make the rounds on the rubber chicken circuit in order to be seen.

The irony here is that while these folks conduct themselves in such a boorish manner, they are oblivious to the fact that others can see through their patently phony demeanour. You may be married to a high powered local lawyer but that doesn’t give you carte blanche to abuse your server at a restaurant. You see, your server is paying his/her way through college. And like the one you saw fit to use as a punching bag 10-15 years ago, he/she will come to deal with your husband’s firm while ensuring your “power broker” mate NEVER touches any one of his/her files. (This true story brought to you in part by Mrs. P&UW)

A subset of politicians and union leaders also fall into this trap. While the avenue of exploitation may be different – union dues or public money instead of bank loans and supplier carry/abuse, their conduct is still the same. And yes, we see through them too.

For those folks who think they are putting one over everyone else in our fair city – guess again. We are just too polite to say anything. Plus, we get a kick out of you parading around in such a laughably haughty manner…

(Bonus points to anyone who can guess where the other half of my title came from – any 92 Citi fan should be able to get the reference)

Making Political Hay out of Wheat

Both Dan Lett and Paul Samyn have weighed in on Harper & Strahl’s decision to “gag” the Canadian Wheat Board. Suffice it to say, they are not in favour of the Conservative Party’s decision.

I sincerely hope that this is a true farmer’s referendum on the efficacy of the CWB. As such, the only people whose voices should be heard on this matter are the actual CUSTOMERS of the CWB and not the CWB itself. Think of this as a rather expensive and expansive customer satisfaction survey – should the CWB be allowed to spend money filling out their own evaluation forms or goading farmers into filling out the forms “properly”? I personally don’t think so.

Both raise the issue that perhaps the Conservatives have already come to the conclusion that the CWB needs to be eradicated. Should this be true, I hope Samyn and/or Lett ferret out this nugget and expose it to all Canadians over the course of the purportedly “impartial” hearings to be conducted. Barring that, I hope Harper and Strahl are mindful of the scrutiny afforded them and go about this matter with the open mind required on this file.

If the CWB is such a great institution, I hope farmers come to the CWB’s defence. If not, I hope the customers have the final say in either eradicating or overhauling this monopoly. The customer should be king – not the CWB, Samyn, Lett, Harper or Strahl. The only people that should be allowed to make hay out of the Canadian Wheat Board review should be the farmers themselves…

Oh Those Cheeky BBA Monkeys, Part 3

The folks over at BBA are feigning righteous indignation over the Conservatives’ new environmental plan. Note to the BBA: where is your post bemoaning Gary Doer’s inaction in regulating temporary asphalt plants?

From the CBC Website:
A loophole in provincial conservation laws allows the plant at the corner of Highway 6 and the Perimeter Highway to operate without any pollution controls.
The plant is operated by a private company under contract to the provincial infrastructure department. Residents and commuters say they worry about the health and environmental effects of the smoke.
CBC News had reported that a loophole in provincial laws has exempted the plant from any pollution controls, since it does not run year-round and it is located outside the city. But Struthers said Friday that should not be an excuse.

If the NDP is adamant about protecting the environment, how’s about focusing on the things THEY can change without waiting for the press to expose it first? Right now, the NDP environmental mantra seems to be “fix things only when cornered like rats.”

I must admit that although I do not tend to agree with the BBA folks on many issues, they are extremely adept at coming up with names and titles. Rona – The How Not-To Person? Hugh McFading? These are too clever. When the NDP finally does leave office in the next election (or the one after that - who says Gary can't bat another one out of the park?) any ad company would be foolish not to enlist the aid of the Orange Blogging Brigade.



Motivational Tunes:
Sisters of Mercy – Marian (version)
The Jesus and Mary Chain – Tower of Song
Electronic – Get the Message
Soundgarden – Hands All Over

Big-Box Belligerence

Statisticians (at least the ones not doing political polls) are so modest that they assert causality is implied and never actually proven. I’m pretty sure I can prove rather than simply imply that the arrival of my children has caused me to visit big box-stores more often. For some inexplicable reason, big-box stores turn the nicest people into sociopathic boors. Some of the big-box personality types I have had the pleasure of meeting:

1) The Friendly Neighbour – on the rare day when the available parking stalls are actually numerous, you may elect to park a few hundred yards away from everyone else. This enables you to get the kids out of their car seats and get them into a shopping cart and/or stroller with ample maneuvering room. You also have enough time to safely chase down a baby bottle that has been thrown farther than one of Troy Westwood’s kicks without actually becoming roadkill. The Friendly Neighbour knows that what you are missing most on your shopping excursion is human contact. They take it upon themselves to sociably park RIGHT NEXT to you although there isn’t another car around for miles. If they are feeling exceptionally charitable, they will park on the side your oldest (and biggest) child is on and actually traverse the yellow line, encroaching on your stall. They then have the courtesy to glare at you while you are doing your best to extricate your children to make sure you don’t ding their door. When you have proven to them that you are a contortionist worthy of Cirque du Soleil, they still leave in a huff.

2) The Shopping Cart Copperfield – this person has the unique talent of making the only shopping cart with child seats disappear. You later encounter this nattily dressed female at the checkout counter buying one bottle of nail polish or hairspray. While your kids have been flopping around in the front of your cart and making a mess of your purchases by opening boxes and spilling its contents, you are grateful that the Shopping Cart Copperfield made better use of the cart than you would have. I mean baskets are just so heavy and they crease supple hands!

3) The Cartstuffer – this is the one person you never get to have the good fortune of meeting face to face. Our mystery shopper feels that the next person to use their cart will have a better shopping experience if they fill the only cart left with used cups and tissues laden with some of their bodily fluids. If they could, they would probably throw in a used rectal thermometer for good measure. The terms “pockets” and “garbage cans” are missing from their vernacular. My theory is that they are actually employees of the store because you invariably buy barbecue tongs to handle the cart contents and lighters to burn the biohazardous materials.

4) The Crosswalk Andretti – this person honestly believes the “Pedestrian Crosswalk” sign entitles them to step on the accelerator. If the Crosswalk Andretti is particularly diligent, they will actually take note of how many pedestrians they almost mowed down on their latest tear through the front of the store. (I actually believe NO TRAFFIC should be allowed at the entrance of a big box outlet but I’ll save my “traffic should be routed to the parking lot periphery” rant for another day)

5) The Aisleway Cholesterol – this person clogs the arteries of the store like a daily meal of 5 Big Macs. While perusing the store’s wares, they see fit to park their cart in the MIDDLE of the aisle lest anyone dare pass them when they are caught in the passionate throes of deliberating between Pepsi or Coke. If you are having a really good day, this person will be unable to do the requisite math to ascertain whether 3 for $4.00 is cheaper than 2 for $3.00. This has the benefit of prolonging the joyous experience of your big-box shopping excursion.

6) The Time Machine – this person signifies that the end of your shopping trip is near, relatively speaking. They will bring in a sale flyer from three months ago and argue ad nauseum with the cashier that the same price should still apply. You can see the exit but the fitful outbursts of your children by this point in your shopping experience make it seem light years away. With luck, Mr. or Mrs. Time Machine will give up within another 15 to 20 minutes.

7) The Spawner – this individual lacks the reading comprehension skills to differentiate between “Entrance” and “Exit”. It may be an honest mistake – I mean they both start with the letter “E” and in this harried era, who has the time to read anything more than the first letter? This person will enter the store through the exit and give you a stern look because you can’t stop the 300 pound cart of diapers and wipes you are pushing (on an incline) to avoid the inevitable collision.

With any luck you too shall come to meet these bastions of social grace and decorum….

Humanely Throwing Rocks at Glass Houses

My last post gave me reason to ponder the Winnipeg Humane Society’s newest shelter. All of the press surrounding the project thus far has been positive. What could be better than a home for downtrodden puppies and kittens?

Thus far, I have heard no mention of a Clean Environment Commission report for THEIR new building. Was an ARM’S LENGTH study by the Commission even undertaken? The WHS currently cares for 9,000 animals per year. I would assume that the new facility will allow for growth in this number.

How will the waste for these animals be handled? Will it be dumped into municipal sewers without any form of treatment? The shelter takes in a lot of stray animals. Many of these animals will likely have kennel cough, Parvo (my dog bias is showing) and other unsavoury diseases arising from owner neglect and/or time on the streets. If the waste of these animals makes it into the Red River during a sewage spill, does this mean a dog going into the Red River by Kildonan Park during his/her nightly walk runs the risk of inadvertently catching one of these diseases?

How will the waste of the animals on the shelter grounds be treated? One would hope that these animals will spend at least part of their time outside frolicking about. Will their feces and urine leach onto adjoining properties? Should the folks at the nearby Tim Horton’s and Cora’s be worried when they step into a food handling establishment? Will the employees be tracking in traces of urine, excrement and e. coli when they walk in through the back door? While solid waste will likely be picked up with some frequency, I can’t see the powers that be picking up urine, even in winter. When all of the snow melts, will the urine of 9,000 animals be running onto the streets, into the stormwater systems and onto adjoining properties?

It looks like OlyWest shouldn’t be the only entity subject to closer scrutiny by the Clean Environment Commission. Perhaps the WHS should expend spend more of its energy on some serious introspection. The fact that puppies and kittens are cuter than pigs on their way to the slaughterhouse shouldn’t affect our critical evaluation of BOTH projects and the pressing need for adjudication by an objective third party…

Political Lobbying on Taxpayers’ Dimes

Bartley Kives’ article in Saturday’s Free Press featured a Motley Crew of organizations banding together to form the OlyOpp Alliance. The usual suspects are all present – OllyOpp Group, Marianne Cerilli, etc. The inclusion of the provincial Liberals caught my eye. As Kevin Lamoureux holds his Thursday meetings at McDonald’s (a corporate entity ironically blasted for mass beef production), I can only surmise that he isn’t a big fan of the McRib.

The most interesting participant in this whole affair is the Winnipeg Humane Society. I guess they are now more than just advocates for homeless cute puppies and cuddly kittens. My only contention with their increasingly political role is the fact that they are using taxpayer money via the Canada Manitoba Municipal Rural Infrastructure Fund (MRIF). If private donors see fit to fund the WHS’s political initiatives, that is their prerogative. However, it isn’t incumbent on governments to fund lobby groups, no matter how seemingly benign they may be. I wonder how pork industry employees feel about a portion of their tax money going towards efforts to thwart their livelihoods.

It is also curious that the WHS’s efforts are targeted directly at OlyWest. If the Humane Society has a bone of contention, it should be directed towards the appropriate legislative body governing pork production. A company abiding by current laws should not have its business affected by a lobby group. This is also is procedurally unfair in that existing pork producers are left untouched. I would assume that environmental regulations dealing with pork producers become more stringent over time. Thus, these older producers are free to carry on their antiquated (and less environmentally sound) business practices while the new entrants are victims of politics at the hands of Vicki Burns and her ilk.

While the WHS’s proposed new shelter is a sight to behold, it does also present some interesting questions, especially for someone who is keen on the notion of leveraging finite resources. For starters, it is being built on some of the most valuable land in the city of Winnipeg. Personally, I would have moved the building somewhere else (i.e. cheaper land costs) and used the excess money to fund ongoing operations. Construction costs are estimate to be $275.00 per square foot. I wonder how much lower these costs would be if the building was a bit more utilitarian in nature. After all, as much money as possible should be going to the actual care of the animals the WHS is tasked with looking after…

From the Folks Who Brought Us Spirited Energy

Curtis Brown’s recent post made me simultaneously laugh and shake my head in utter disbelief. Yes, Today’s NDP is at it again – this time with their in motion program:

“A new trial initiative that allowed rural libraries to loan pedometers and information on physical activity to Manitobans will now be offered to all libraries throughout the province, Healthy Living Minister Kerry Irvin-Ross announced here today at the launch of Brandon in motion.”

My favourite quote in the press release comes from Minister Eric Robinson:
“This program is a simple and cost-effective way to provide pedometers to Manitobans, helping reduce barriers to physical activity and encouraging people to make healthy choices.”

People have been walking for tens of thousands of years, most of them sans pedometer. Now the absence of a pedometer during one’s exercise regimen is a barrier to physical activity? I feel so marginalized!

Perhaps the next logical step is to involve our various police forces – tickets will be issued to people that do not exercise a minimum of 30 minutes per day, three days per week. All Manitobans will be required to keep an exercise log sheet with actual time spent exercised verified by a Notary Public or Commissioner for Oaths. Failure to comply with this edict will result in a stern letter of reprimand from the Minister of Justice and a suspended sentence with double credit for any time served watching Spirited Energy advertisements.

Today’s NDP – putting the “Social” in the time honoured science of Engineering…



Motivational Tunes:
David Bowie – It Ain’t Easy
Eddie Rabbitt – Driving my Life Away
Las Ketchup – The Ketchup Song
Harvey Danger – Flagpole Sitta
(a decidedly weird list brought to you without hallucinogens OR pedometers)