She Just Ain’t That Into You, Pal

Once again, the rumours are starting to circulate that IKEA is going to bless us with a store. Maybe it’s the fact that most of their furniture reminds me of the morgue gurney being wheeled about in the intro to Six Feet Under but I for one do not care whether or not IKEA deems us worthy.

Some other Winnipeggers seem to have a dysfunctional relationship with IKEA. They lament that their home town doesn’t have this big box outlet while frenetically ordering from their catalogue. This conjures up images of some pathetic single fellow buying fancy dinners and bouquets for a woman who obviously does not share the same feelings. Said female has no qualms about stringing him along for the endless litany of shwag.

Perhaps those Winnipeggers, much like our single friend, must come to the realization that reeking of desperation coupled with a blind willingness to pay does not make for a compelling suitor. Once the steady stream of Winnipeg catalogue revenues stops, maybe our great city will seem far more attractive.

I personally will like IKEA a whole lot better once they start hiring Winnipeggers and paying property taxes. Just don’t expect me to buy any of their gurneys…

Rap Videos Must Be Lying

The Stanley Ross beating incident reminded me of an interesting chapter in the Freakonomics book. The chapter is called “Why do Drug Dealers Still Live With Their Moms?” Once the authors delved into the numbers, they found that most drug dealers earned only US$3.30 an hour. Yes, most dealers would actually be better off working a minimum wage job! It would also reduce their 1 in 4 chance of being killed.

Mr. Ross is not only a Level 4 car thief but a gang member as well. Aren’t all of the gangstas in rap videos driving $100,000 automobiles decked out in bling and spinners? It would seem that Mr. Ross’ need to steal someone else’s “ride” is decidedly less glamourous than the antics of his poseur MTV contemporaries.

If the MSM and politicians are to do anything productive on the gang front, perhaps the most important first step would be to deglamourize the gangsta lifestyle. There seems to be a wide enough discrepancy between the grim reality most gangbangers face and the P. Diddy lifestyle they aspire to. If the gritty truth were more prevalent than the MTV illusion perhaps prospective gang members would be more hesitant to make this unfortunate career choice…

Parental Guidance

In suburbia, big box outlets and gyms aren’t the only place you will meet colourful characters. Having kids means meeting other parents and let me tell you, some of them are doozies. Among the more interesting:

1) The Admissions Officer is convinced that every mundane aspect of their child’s development is proof positive that said child is on the fast track to an ivy league college. They have Harvard, Princeton and Yale on speed-dial. Harvard, Princeton and Yale in turn have restraining orders against said parent.

2) The Absentee Landlord is usually found at a McDonald’s Playland, public park or any other similar sort of environment. They drop their child off and scurry away to read the paper or else engage in high volume cellphone banter so that other parents can hear just how important their personal lives are. Apparently, a play structure is a close enough proxy for actual parenting. The other parents might beg to differ - they are running defence as the Absentee Landlord’s monsters errr little darlings are conducting themselves with all the restraint of an inebriated Andy Dick at a black tie gala. The Absentee Landlord firmly believes it takes a village to raise their child and has no problems making you part of their village.

3) The Solo Artist is married to someone (usually the Absentee Landlord) who wasn’t keen on becoming a parent in the first place. The Solo Artist is thus forced to do double parental duty while their significant (sic) other is either at the salon or on the golf course. Telltale signs of a Solo Artist include disheveled hair and a nervous tic.

4) The Social Coordinator is hellbent on cramming every waking second of their child’s life with either play dates or extracurricular activities. Even a Cray supercomputer lacks the processing power to schedule a single day of a Social Coordinator’s child. They usually only succeed in creating an individual who is so lacking in independence that the child winds up carrying a security blanket well past their 30th birthday.

5) The Party Planner takes out a second mortgage on their house to finance their child’s extravagant birthday parties. While all the kids want burgers and hotdogs, the maitre d’ is serving Kobe beef and beluga caviar. The kids leave with Fendi goodie bags filled with vouchers to all of the top salons. All they wanted was a noisemaker and a plastic toy…


Motivational Tunes:
Saga – No Stranger (Chapter VIII)
Saga – Mind Over Matter
Saga – On The Loose

Christmas Must Really Suck for the Kids of Subway Executives

The P&UW family bought a meal from Subway for the first time in a while. Our oldest loves kid’s meals for the toys that they bring. As I was the exact same way growing up (heck, I STILL am), I can hardly blame the little guy.

Imagine my surprise when I saw the “prize” for my toddler was a Burton snowboard poster. That’s the kid’s meal equivalent of getting a polka dot tie or flannel socks for Christmas. Daddy had to explain how the toy with this week’s dinner sucked and promised it will be a better one next time.

If anyone at Subway is reading this post I would just like to let you know that by the time my kids are old enough to appreciate your “toy”, they will be scarfing down foot-long subs by the dozen.

I guess I owe the little guy something from Burger King or McDonald’s. Is it any wonder why one of the first brands he recognized was the Golden Arches? At this rate he’s quickly being conditioned to hate the Subway logo and Jon Lovitz…



Motivational Tunes:
Saga – Amnesia
Buster Poindexter – Hot, Hot, Hot
Black Sabbath – Neon Knights

The Perils of Free Association

Well, it looks like the whole Canadian Wheat Board affair played nicely into Doer’s hands. Hugh himself offered up a tepid response, even in light of the shortcomings of the plebiscite. From the Winnipeg Sun:

Wowchuk said Strahl and Prime Minister Stephen Harper are acting like “ideological dictators” when it comes to the wheat board.
“They should let producers have say,” said Wowchuk.
Opposition Leader Hugh McFadyen agreed with the NDP minister.
“We certainly encourage the federal government to pay attention,” said McFadyen.
However, McFadyen was not in favour of the symbolic referendum, calling it a political ploy to divert attention from the NDP’s overall mismanagement of rural Manitoba.

Some random thoughts:

1) Harper should reward Doer’s concern about the CWB by returning the favour. In the middle of the provincial election, the Conservatives should demand income taxes from the unauthorized Seven Oaks School Division development project. The last time I checked, the financials indicated a provision for property tax (Income Statement & Schedule of Expenditures) and payment of GST (Note 6) but none for income tax (which is usually a pretty important line item on any other income statement). If the Province is going to get into the development game, it is time for Today’s NDP to pay their fair share of taxes on the profits. As an aside, does the fact that Seven Oaks gets to do a financial statement spanning 2 years and 4 months entitle us hardworking business owners to skip OUR required annual statement preparation? I wish governments held taxpayers to the same standards they hold themselves to. Do(er) as I say, not as I do(er).

2) It looks like Doer managed to spend $80,000.00 of taxpayer money to win the hearts of a few farmers. The general city dwelling public will also be fawning over Doer’s championing the rights of the downtrodden farmer – 70% of farmers are oppressed are they not? Shrewd politics on the public dime keeps me in perpetual awe of Gary’s political prowess.

3) I hope McFadyen was agreeing with Wowchuk’s “letting producers have a say” quote and not the “ideological dictators” assertion. Otherwise, Hugh’s going to have a tough time cozying up to Harper should McFadyen get the keys to the Leg. Of course, poking a finger in the eyes of the parent doling out the allowance could be part of the provincial Tory strategy to get us off of transfer payments.

4) Speaking of public money, a note to the Blackberry Addicts – there is a difference between the Conservatives using PARTY money to pay for election shenanigans and the Dippers using PUBLIC money (via a plum posting) to pay for their election shenanigans. Of course, the allegations against the NDP have yet to be proven so I’ll reserve my own moral indignation for a while longer.

And now on to Rorschach inkblots…

Show ME the Money, Gary

The NDP released their results for the plebiscite on the Canadian Wheat Board today. Is anyone surprised to find that 70% of farmers voted to keep the single desk for wheat and that 62% decided to keep the single desk for barley? I expect our BBA friends to be posting shortly, gloating with all manners of “I told you so!” being volleyed about. Here is my response to the blog entry they haven’t written but are no doubt typing right now.

The most important number to look at in this analysis is the participation rate. Everyone knew going in that this was a symbolic vote meant to embarrass Harper & McFadyen on the cusp of a provincial vote, I mean, garner the opinion of farmers. Of all the farmers that could have voted on this matter, only 65% elected to do so.

If I were to hazard a guess as to who would be most likely to fully participate in the poll, I would assume it would be those farmers in support of the single desk. After all, the ones in favour of marketing choice are getting what they want so what is their incentive to participate in an essentially meaningless survey? That means 70% of 65% of farmers support the Wheat Board. This in turn represents only 45.5% of farmers overall, i.e. a minority.

We already knew that there was roughly 46% support for a status quo CWB going into this plebiscite. It is heartening to find that the NDP saw fit to waste $80,000.00 (let’s add this to the running tab on Spirited Energy and Manitoba Means Business) on the obvious conclusion. Why didn’t they just give the money to me? I gave the same numbers here a little while back. Next time, just give me the money and read my blog – I promise to spend the money in-province. Well, most of it anyways – Mrs. P&UW has been wanting a Vegas vacation lately…

Hugh-cy, You Got Some ‘Splaining To Do

A little while back, the Black Rod had a post that made mention of Shae Greenfield’s dual political allegiances. Given the relative unease of some of the redder Tories vis-à-vis how much pull social conservatives have within the federal Tory party, this was not a totally shocking phenomenon. As an avowed social Liberal and fiscal Conservative, I myself am guilty of straddling the Liberal and Conservative divide.

It seems that in his travels, Shae has caught a strain of Trudeaumania that seems to afflict a certain percentage of diehard Liberals:
“As you may have gleaned from my photo with the man on my homepage, I am a supporter of Justin Trudeau’s (dare I say it) intentions to run for a seat in Parliament in the Montreal riding of Outrement.”

A rundown of his father’s legacy shows that Justin has big shoes to fill:
1) Increasing Canada’s national debt from $18 billion to $200 billion.
2) Rampant inflation during his administrative tenure.
3) The National Energy Program – mention these magic words to any Calgarian and they still clutch their hearts with all the fervour of Fred Sanford.

The Liberal Party at the tail end of the Trudeau era was also against free trade, an economic tenet that even our own Gary Doer now recognizes as a mechanism for global prosperity. My impression was that the Trudeau brand was anathema to people motivated enough to join the Progressive Conservative party here in Manitoba. If the former president of the PC Youth can see fit to support the potential second coming of P.E.T., just how virulent could Trudeaumania be elsewhere in the provincial Tory camp? Will Doer actually be the bigger fiscal conservative in the next election? Is that why there are all of those Manitoba Means Business billboards dotting the landscape?

Shae, although I am still one degree away from my doctorate, I would like to prescribe the following for your bout of Trudeaumania: take two Peter C. Newmans (I recommend Here Be Dragons and The Secret Mulroney Tapes) and call me in the morning.



Motivational Tunes:
Motorhead – Eat The Rich
Jane’s Addiction – Just BecausePeter Murphy – Cuts You Up
Catherine Wheel - Waydown

Calling all Eight Ball Award Recipients

At first glance, Jeffrey Giles’ obituary in yesterday’s Freep seems like every other In Memorium in the paper. The heart-wrenching pain felt by the Giles family becomes readily apparent once you actually read it:

Jeffrey Giles
Died January 4, 1998
Jeff, though you live in our hearts and souls we miss you so much. The vermin who took your life will soon be free. Who will be next?
Mom and Dad

I hope the judges who let our criminals coast through the justice system got to read this tribute to Mr. Giles. The pain that society’s monsters create seems to EXPONENTIALLY outlast the actual penance they pay to those they have hurt.

I know that the talking heads for the Manitoba Bar Association think us laypeople don’t understand the nuances of the law. How many times have their talking heads told us as much in the editorial pages of the papers? What we do understand is that as parents and contributing members of society (and yes we are just as educated as the lawyers and/or judges, if not more so), sanctions for negative actions are the fine line that separates order from chaos. Without penal or economic disincentives, the world would be a scary place indeed. The sense of responsibility we try to instill in our own children is increasingly undermined by the Youth Criminal Justice Act and the judges that seem to be cozily removed from the crimes that affect the rest of us.

Perhaps we should be sending these individuals Thank You cards every time their rulings fly in the face of logic. If the Eight Ball Award isn’t enough for our judicial community to give their collective heads a shake, perhaps an avalanche of disdain from us unwashed masses might remind them about who they should truly be looking out for.

To the Giles family – as a father, I cannot even begin to imagine what you must go through, even 8 years after your tragic loss. The law is the mechanism by which the precious fabric of society is held together – we can only hope that the light sentences which allow increasingly emboldened criminals to unravel this fabric and make a mockery of this system comes to an end…

Fairness and Farewell

The Free Press had an editorial yesterday on the issue of property taxes which advocated higher payment rates for businesses than for homeowners. What the editors fail to see is that a tax on business is ultimately a tax on consumers anyways. The costs associated with taxation are simply passed on to the end consumer under the guise of higher prices. If the Free Press was as interested in the notion of fairness as they purport to be, perhaps they should call for the eradication of all property tax in favour of allowing the City of Winnipeg to levy a consumption tax. In that way, people consuming goods (thereby using finite resources) are the ones paying the taxes. Should you elect to buy a Mercedes instead of a Cavalier, the City gets more tax revenue.

As an aside, does the Free Press’ altruistic stance means that they have NEVER appealed their property tax bill for 1355 Mountain Avenue? One would hope that given their staunch convictions on this matter, they are not displaying intellectual dishonesty by trying to cheat the taxman they seem to so vociferously support on their editorial pages. Remember dear editors that property tax appeals are a matter of public record – if the folks at the Black Rod made their way downtown would they be able to call shenanigans on your “principled” stance?
___________________________________________

A fond farewell to Curtis at Endless Spin. As the voice of reason when the blog rhetoric heated up, his insights will truly be missed. He was also one of the few bloggers that managed to raise the ire of supporters of ALL the political parties. You know you are doing a good job when you are simultaneously labeled an NDP, Liberal AND Tory apologist. Curtis, I hope you will still see fit to come by the Blogger sandbox and give us your non-partisan take on matters.

And welcome back to the Hack – I never took down the link on the hopes you would someday return. Now if only we could get Rasky back too!


Motivational Tunes:
Def Leppard – Tear it Down
David Bowie – Diamond Dogs (an Orwellian reference for the Manimal, wherever they may be)
Sons of Maxwell – Farewell to Nova Scotia (Curtis, I hope you got to see them on the Halifax Waterfront – maybe at The Lower Deck or the pub from which their name is derived?)